Progress shots: Before & Week 15

Well, I finally got the courage to post my "before" and "week 15" progress pics. 

Obviously I still have a long way to go, but I'm proud of how far I've come.

I'm going to start posting some of our favorite lean & green recipes here, so check back soon!

50 pounds gone forever & what that means

This is 1 pound of fat:

Now multiply that by 50!

I can't believe that in under 2 1/2 months, I am 50 pounds lighter. Words can't express how I feel but it's something along the lines of shock, giddiness, determined, and flabbergasted. I am almost 1/3 of the way to my goal.
To commemorate this milestone, I've compiled a list of what effects losing this 50 pounds has had on my life. Here it goes:

I have an abundance of energy.

Big increase in my self-confidence, as in, I know I can do this and reach my goal.

My goal of losing 180 pounds no longer seems impossible... I only have 130 to go.

While I still don't see a difference when I look in the mirror, I can see a difference in my Before & During photos.

I'm enjoying wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in years.

I am 3 pant sizes down, from a 26 to a 20.

I can't wear my wedding ring anymore.

My shirts don't hug my skin anymore. I keep feeling like I'm exposed because I'll feel air or a breeze on my torso, when really I'm not. This isn't something I ever thought about and it's a strange, new feeling for me. Maybe this is how clothes are supposed to fit?

I'm no longer afraid to share how i'm feeling, what I've gone through, or how far i've come. Telling the world how much I have to lose (see above) is big for me. It tells you just how big I am... was. The one exception to this is my Before & During photos. But I promise I WILL show them... eventually. If you have seen them, feel lucky, as I only showed a few people!

I'm much happier in general.

I have a much more positive outlook on life.

I'm starting to feel bones I never knew I had because they were covered with so much fat. 

I'm excited we are closer everyday to no longer being "the fat couple".

I'm scared because the fat girl in me still wonders if this is all a fluke... maybe something's wrong with the scale? I will continue to have to work on my mental view of how I look, feel, and where I came from. I have been overweight or obese my entire life after all.

Sometimes it feels like this is just way too easy and that surely I won't lose any more weight, but it keeps coming off.

I have a strong desire to help others who are in my situation: overweight your entire life and not thinking there is any hope to achieve your dreams. If this sounds familiar, I'd love to share with you more about my journey and pay it forward.

I am no longer just existing. I am now LIVING and LOVING LIFE!

My next big goal is 90 pounds, when I will be half way to my goal!

Bullet Post II

I can't believe it's already been 2 months since I've last posted. To briefly cover what's been going on in our lives, here is a bullet post for you.

• I quit my job and my last day of work was March 8th. Nick's dad hasn't moved in yet, but we're expecting he will within a couple weeks.
• I love love LOVE being a stay at home mom & wife. It's truly a dream come true. I love being able to spend so much time with Beebaw. Also, with him not in daycare, he's been SO much healthier. I know getting him exposed to germs now can increase his immune system. However, the poor kid was always sick. Always. Add that constant sickness on top of a minor health issue, and it caused a lot of problems for his little body.
• Still haven't started my garden. Eek! Maybe Beebaw and I will work on that next week.
• We thought we were getting another foster baby a few weeks ago. Things changed and he ended up not being placed with us. This was actually a good thing, as he was able to be placed with other siblings. However, we now have another crib set up and ready, and I got a double jogging stroller. :) We are still looking for another wee one, but are immensely enjoying our time with Beebaw as an only child. 
• On March 4th, we decided to make big changes in our lives. In just over a month, together we have lost a total of 82 pounds and that number rises every day. We both feel great and LOVE the program! Feel free to ask me for more info. I wish we would have known about this sooner. 
• No, we have not adopted Beebaw yet. We are not to that point, but are getting closer. Hopefully we will have news on this sometime this summer. 

Well I think that's it...

Leave me a comment, I love hearing from my 2 readers ;)

oh my goodness, I just quit my job

Wednesday I took a leap of faith and did something I never dreamed of doing... I gave my boss a letter of resignation. My last day will be March 8th, unless they give me the boot sooner. ;)

Nicks dad IS going to be moving in with us, so I will be here during the day to help him out. While I'm sure we are bound to butt heads now and then, I think it will be an overall positive thing for the entire family. Beebaw will get to have a grandfather in his daily life, and Papa will get to watch his grandson grow up. This also gives us the ability to have me be a stay at home mommy. I've wanted nothing more than to be able to stay home with our children. Now that the opportunity is here, i'm scared out of my wits!

I like my job and i've been there over 8 years. It's flexibility is great, and I love my coworker - she's a mother figure to me. However I feel bad for being the cause of them needing to train someone new. But, in the end, I need to do what is best for my family.

When I think about how i'll get to raise our children, not just in the evening and on weekends, I am overjoyed! And the idea of being able to get housework done, not just in the evening after baby's in bed & on the weekends when I want to rest, makes me ecstatic! We should be able to have some real family time when daddy's home from work now - not just running around trying to get stuff done.

So you see, it's a very bittersweet moment for me. I am incredibly excited to be starting this new chapter in our lives, full of new possibilities. It shall be an adventure indeed!

A sign of new beginnings.

A year and many changes

It's been almost a year since I last blogged. First let me get out all my excuses: I stopped due to depression. Then a miracle happened and my "childless-mother-depression" has since been gone. I'll get to that in a minute. And then I haven't blogged due to being plain too busy and tired. There, now that's out of the way.

In my last blog post I posted about getting new spring chicks. I have since gotten rid of all our chickens.  Nick and I have thrown around the idea of getting just two chicks this Spring, but I am not yet 100% convinced, as life as we know it is going to be turned upside down... for myself at least. 

I planted a garden and it was looking beautiful. Then life happened. I killed my garden.

We no longer are attempting any more international adoptions. We are also not playing the infertility game anymore. Those ships have long sailed away. Last January we started the process of getting licensed with our state to be foster parents. We have been licensed since May 31st of last year. 

The most exciting thing that happened to us this past year is that on May 31st, the day all our paperwork was signed off on a government workers desk, we received foster placement of the sweetest, most beautiful 5 month old baby boy. Our lives have been forever changed and we feel so blessed! For privacy purposes, we'll call him Beebaw (he loved to bee-bop to music, and thus his nickname formed). And while he's not ours legally, I will not be posting pictures of his face, which is quite unfortunate. He truly is a handsome little guy!

I have still been working full time, with Beebaw going to daycare. Our plan... no wait! I can't help but laugh at that word: plan. No "plan"of ours has ever gone to plan! What we were HOPING to do is have myself stay home full time if Beebaw were to legally become our son. We were thinking this might happen sometime in the first half of this year. However... "plans" have changed and now the plan is that Nick's dad will be moving in with us so he can have 24 hour care. This plan is slightly up in the air still. We are hoping to have things nailed down this week and then we can proceed with the needed changes.  

This next month, or rather YEAR, should be interesting to say the least!

Stay tuned...

Chick time

It's (nearly) Spring again and is time for us to get a few new chicks to add into our backyard flock, as we will be "retiring" 4 of our current layers this Fall... bringing our ending total to an even 6 hens.

I always forget how small and adorable they are at this age. :)

(sorry the pic is so blurry and grainy... all I had was a phone camera)

A day off from "work"

Since today is Presidents day and the non-profit agency I work for gives us most federal holidays off, I had the pleasure of having a day off from work. Well... at least a day off from the work I get paid for.

I finally got some much needed cleaning done, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen and started working on a tardis cake for a neighbor boy's 6th birthday who I hear is an avid Dr. Who fan. I must admit I have never seen the show. Coincidentally, while Nick and I had Netflix pulled up on the XBOX the other day, the Kinect must have heard something in our conversation resembling "Dr. Who" and it suddenly started playing. We looked at each other and started laughing. :)

Another thing I did today was collect chicken eggs.

Because of our cool weather and the bloom on the eggs, they can safely be kept unrefrigerated for weeks, and in fact this is how they are kept in many countries around the world. However I don't do this. I collect them every few days, gently set them in a clean sink, carefully wash each egg, and refrigerate. If there is an abundance, I will steam a layer of eggs in my steaming pot. This is the best way I have found to easily hard "boil" fresh eggs and be able to peel them simply and quickly... the shell just about slides right off.

Now that we are having nicer weather, I am getting anxious to start planting a garden. This year I am planting cold weather crops only. No more attempts at tomatoes, corn, or peppers! Since it's not quite time to plant outside, I have planted some herbs indoors. I had planted 5 different pots with seed, but as our dogs have knocked them out of the window sills, I now have 2 remaining... both chives. They have been moved to my kitchen window and are safe and sound from the beasts. :)

Lastly, I really enjoyed my restful yet productive day at home. It was satisfying to be able to get dinner in the crockpot this morning and have a nice chicken stew ready for dinner when Nick gets home. I didn't follow any recipe, but rather put a chicken (homegrown) I have had in the freezer in the crockpot and added some veggies on hand... parsnip, rutabega, carrot, onion, corn, edamame, asparagus and peas. It smells great!

Spring is in the air...

... I can feel it!

A recent sunset on our island

'tis the season to be... jolly?

This morning Nick and I drove to a friend of ours family's tree farm to pick out a Christmas tree. It's been 3 years I do believe since we've had a real-live Christmas tree. The past few years we've used a small 2ft tall artificial one my coworker bought me. We haven't really been in the holiday spirit since starting our 4 year and counting adoption journey. The holid

ays are such a magical time for children and we want nothing more than to have a little one(s) of our own to share this time of year with. To say it's a difficult time for us is an understatement.

However, this year is different for me. I can't explain it and don't know why, but I'm feeling quite holly-jolly this time around. I hung up some new stockings for both us and our boys, Chewie and James (dogs - not real children - but they're all we have). I set out all our red & green candles, cinnamon pinecones, artificial greenery garlands and the little christmas village I painted years ago - with cotton snow and all. I decorated the little 2ft tall tree in our den, and just finished decorating the deliciously aromatic tree we cut today.

Here are a couple pictures of the big - and I mean BIG - tree in our living room. It's funny how much smaller they look out at the tree farm. I must say though, these pictures do it no justice. They don't capture how twinkly and sparkly it is, but here they are anyway...

This little guy is hiding in a bare area - love it!

Okay, well maybe not...

A quick update on our seemingly endless adoption. We received an email today stating that Kaed's birth country is in complete disarray. Elections are going on, people are getting killed, communication is nearly impossible. So, while things looked up in August, things are looking less than stellar right now.

We'll just keep trudging along in hopes that someday we may be able to bring this little guy home. Until then (if ever!) i'm still trying to catch that darn ovulation, and I think we're going to proceed in getting our foster license through our state and see where that takes us.

(mostly) wordless wednesday

grown from seed heirloom belarusian heart tomatoes

a lone heirloom chiogga beet... the others were destroyed by a rogue chicken

heirloom black beauty zucchini

someone wants a tasty garden treat

Wordless Wednesday

Bullet Post!

Man oh man it's been some time since I've written on here! Lots has happened these past couple months...

• I just finished up my fourth round of Clomid (an infertility medication) for this year and again it did not work.
• All my hens are laying! It's so nice to get 4-5 eggs each day. Soon I'll be able to start giving them to friends. Yesterday I integrated the 3 baby chickens with the 6 big girls. So far so good. All feathers are still intact. haha
• I made a Star Wars birthday cake this past weekend for my favorite little 5 year old. He went bananas and started hugging and kissing me!
• Spring has FINALLY decided to arrive in western WA. I'm hoping to re-fence off the garden this weekend and plant the 18 tomato plants I've had growing in our living room window. I'm also going to be planting several old heirloom varieties of corn, squash, melon and beans.
• I have made a fantastic new friend, Amber, who lives in Kentucky. We met on a Trying To Conceive (TTC) forum and it feels like we were always meant to be friends... we have a crazy amount of stuff in common.
• We traded in our Volkswagen Jetta and Kia Sorento for a Honda Insight. It's taken some getting used to being a 1-car household, but with the distance we commute (we carpool together), we HAD to get something with good gas mileage. 43-47MPG isn't too shabby. ;)
• I want to throw a tea party!

And I'll end this post with a cute pic of our friend's dog buddy (him and his momma live with us). He says Hi!

If I were to give 2011 a theme name, I would call it "Moving On".

*I fear we will be forced to move on from our 2nd attempt at adoption. This is not definative yet, but we hope to have answers on this soon.

*We are attempting, once again, to add to our family biologically. No success yet, but we will keep trying.

*We have moved on from our former lifestyle for a healthier, more active one.

*If indeed we are at an impasse with our 2nd adoption attempt, we may consider adopting through the state.

*I'm no longer letting people get to me and try to break me down. If I can't handle you or your actions, I don't need to be around it. Save your drama for your mama! I will have none of it.

*And lastly, we are slowly but surely trying to move on from all the overwhelming sadness we have felt when it comes to our attempted adoption(s).

depression sucks

I've had a hard time putting my emotions into words. The following is the prefect description. When I read this, I felt encouraged yet sad that someone can explain and understand how I feel (the woman in the quotes). I haven't found the cure yet.

Depression associated with infertility is not the same as typical depression. Lisa Tuttle, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in fertility counseling, says that depression related to infertility is a combination of emotions: not just sadness, but jealousy, anger and grief. "Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion," says Tuttle. "There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith." Obsession is also a factor. Tuttle encounters many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping.

I am posting this only as a way for me to vent. I don't know if anyone will even read this, but i'm okay with it going into internet oblivion. I'm depesrate to feel better. Have a day when I don't feel a great sadness. Maybe me writing this out and journaling will help. Maybe not. We'll see.
(If you're curious, the full article can be found here.)

*changed my email address*

I have changed my email address to SarahofCI@yahoo.com

Why did I change it?

- It was waaaaay toooo loooong

- It was a constant reminder that I still have no children

- People would ask for details

- I don't want it to define me

- I'm at a point where I'm ready to move on with my life and not fixate on the childless factor

Good riddance waiting2beamommy, and hellooo SarahofCI!

oh spring, how I miss thee

My friend Apryl and I are counting down the days 'til Spring. We have tirelessly worked to convert a good portion of our backyard into a garden area. This area is now attached to the chicken run, so while there are no plants growing back there, the chickens are able to run around, scratch and the dirt, and most importantly... fertilize it.

We have just started our indoor seedlings for 2 varieties of tomatoes as well 3 varieties of onion. All of the seeds we have bought for our garden are non-GMO heirloom seeds... some date back to the 1700's! We purchased them from the Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds and I highly recommend them. From the time I ordered them to the when they arrived took a quick 3 days.

In the spirit of myself having Spring fever, I thought I'd share with you 10 reasons why you should join in the ever-increasing backyard revolution and plant a backyard garden.

1. Gardens are inflation and recession proof.

2. Planting your own seed protects you from the risks of GMO foods.

3. Growing a garden is emotionally rewarding and offers independence.

4. Fresh picked vegetables are 50% higher in vitamins, minerals, and nutrients.

5. In an emergency, grocers only have 72 hours worth of food on the shelves.

6. You will make fewer trips to the grocery store.

7. Saving seed from your garden assures nutrition year after year.

8. Gardening keeps us fit; both in mind and body.

9. Planting and sowing is an excellent family activity.

10. You control what goes in to your garden, including pesticides!

our first egg

This morning when I let my girls out to free range, I peeked in the laying boxes and there it was - our first egg!

I'm 99% positive it was Lizzie, my Dominique, who layed it. For the past week, she's been clingy when I'm outside and VERY talkative, which is not normal for any of my hens. Also, she would let me pet her (again, NOT normal) and when I did she would squat and put her bum in the air.

The egg was bigger than I had expected, a medium brown with a few darker brown speckles on one end, the shell was nice and hard, and it was a double yoker.

Look how orange that yoke is! This is what an egg is supposed to look like, not yellow like in the stores.

And yes, I was so excited that I ran in the house to show Nick and did a little happy dance. :)

the year in facebook status

bead pics

I have posted pictures online of some of the 650 BeadforLife products I have available for purchase. You can view the photo album here.

If you are local and would like to view the items, I can come to you.

If you are out of the area, I would be more than happy to ship any items to you for a very small fee.

Keep in mind that there are many many color options. Additional photos are available upon request.