Wordless Wednesday

Bullet Post!

Man oh man it's been some time since I've written on here! Lots has happened these past couple months...

• I just finished up my fourth round of Clomid (an infertility medication) for this year and again it did not work.
• All my hens are laying! It's so nice to get 4-5 eggs each day. Soon I'll be able to start giving them to friends. Yesterday I integrated the 3 baby chickens with the 6 big girls. So far so good. All feathers are still intact. haha
• I made a Star Wars birthday cake this past weekend for my favorite little 5 year old. He went bananas and started hugging and kissing me!
• Spring has FINALLY decided to arrive in western WA. I'm hoping to re-fence off the garden this weekend and plant the 18 tomato plants I've had growing in our living room window. I'm also going to be planting several old heirloom varieties of corn, squash, melon and beans.
• I have made a fantastic new friend, Amber, who lives in Kentucky. We met on a Trying To Conceive (TTC) forum and it feels like we were always meant to be friends... we have a crazy amount of stuff in common.
• We traded in our Volkswagen Jetta and Kia Sorento for a Honda Insight. It's taken some getting used to being a 1-car household, but with the distance we commute (we carpool together), we HAD to get something with good gas mileage. 43-47MPG isn't too shabby. ;)
• I want to throw a tea party!

And I'll end this post with a cute pic of our friend's dog buddy (him and his momma live with us). He says Hi!

If I were to give 2011 a theme name, I would call it "Moving On".

*I fear we will be forced to move on from our 2nd attempt at adoption. This is not definative yet, but we hope to have answers on this soon.

*We are attempting, once again, to add to our family biologically. No success yet, but we will keep trying.

*We have moved on from our former lifestyle for a healthier, more active one.

*If indeed we are at an impasse with our 2nd adoption attempt, we may consider adopting through the state.

*I'm no longer letting people get to me and try to break me down. If I can't handle you or your actions, I don't need to be around it. Save your drama for your mama! I will have none of it.

*And lastly, we are slowly but surely trying to move on from all the overwhelming sadness we have felt when it comes to our attempted adoption(s).

depression sucks

I've had a hard time putting my emotions into words. The following is the prefect description. When I read this, I felt encouraged yet sad that someone can explain and understand how I feel (the woman in the quotes). I haven't found the cure yet.

Depression associated with infertility is not the same as typical depression. Lisa Tuttle, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in fertility counseling, says that depression related to infertility is a combination of emotions: not just sadness, but jealousy, anger and grief. "Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion," says Tuttle. "There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith." Obsession is also a factor. Tuttle encounters many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping.

I am posting this only as a way for me to vent. I don't know if anyone will even read this, but i'm okay with it going into internet oblivion. I'm depesrate to feel better. Have a day when I don't feel a great sadness. Maybe me writing this out and journaling will help. Maybe not. We'll see.
(If you're curious, the full article can be found here.)

*changed my email address*

I have changed my email address to SarahofCI@yahoo.com

Why did I change it?

- It was waaaaay toooo loooong

- It was a constant reminder that I still have no children

- People would ask for details

- I don't want it to define me

- I'm at a point where I'm ready to move on with my life and not fixate on the childless factor

Good riddance waiting2beamommy, and hellooo SarahofCI!