Friday, March 25, 2011

If I were to give 2011 a theme name, I would call it "Moving On".

*I fear we will be forced to move on from our 2nd attempt at adoption. This is not definative yet, but we hope to have answers on this soon.

*We are attempting, once again, to add to our family biologically. No success yet, but we will keep trying.

*We have moved on from our former lifestyle for a healthier, more active one.

*If indeed we are at an impasse with our 2nd adoption attempt, we may consider adopting through the state.

*I'm no longer letting people get to me and try to break me down. If I can't handle you or your actions, I don't need to be around it. Save your drama for your mama! I will have none of it.

*And lastly, we are slowly but surely trying to move on from all the overwhelming sadness we have felt when it comes to our attempted adoption(s).

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

depression sucks

I've had a hard time putting my emotions into words. The following is the prefect description. When I read this, I felt encouraged yet sad that someone can explain and understand how I feel (the woman in the quotes). I haven't found the cure yet.

Depression associated with infertility is not the same as typical depression. Lisa Tuttle, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in fertility counseling, says that depression related to infertility is a combination of emotions: not just sadness, but jealousy, anger and grief. "Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion," says Tuttle. "There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith." Obsession is also a factor. Tuttle encounters many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping.

I am posting this only as a way for me to vent. I don't know if anyone will even read this, but i'm okay with it going into internet oblivion. I'm depesrate to feel better. Have a day when I don't feel a great sadness. Maybe me writing this out and journaling will help. Maybe not. We'll see.
(If you're curious, the full article can be found here.)