I've had a hard time putting my emotions into words. The following is the prefect description. When I read this, I felt encouraged yet sad that someone can explain and understand how I feel (the woman in the quotes). I haven't found the cure yet.
Depression associated with infertility is not the same as typical depression. Lisa Tuttle, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in fertility counseling, says that depression related to infertility is a combination of emotions: not just sadness, but jealousy, anger and grief. "Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion," says Tuttle. "There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith." Obsession is also a factor. Tuttle encounters many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping.
I am posting this only as a way for me to vent. I don't know if anyone will even read this, but i'm okay with it going into internet oblivion. I'm depesrate to feel better. Have a day when I don't feel a great sadness. Maybe me writing this out and journaling will help. Maybe not. We'll see.
(If you're curious, the full article can be found here.)