'tis the season to be... jolly?

This morning Nick and I drove to a friend of ours family's tree farm to pick out a Christmas tree. It's been 3 years I do believe since we've had a real-live Christmas tree. The past few years we've used a small 2ft tall artificial one my coworker bought me. We haven't really been in the holiday spirit since starting our 4 year and counting adoption journey. The holid

ays are such a magical time for children and we want nothing more than to have a little one(s) of our own to share this time of year with. To say it's a difficult time for us is an understatement.

However, this year is different for me. I can't explain it and don't know why, but I'm feeling quite holly-jolly this time around. I hung up some new stockings for both us and our boys, Chewie and James (dogs - not real children - but they're all we have). I set out all our red & green candles, cinnamon pinecones, artificial greenery garlands and the little christmas village I painted years ago - with cotton snow and all. I decorated the little 2ft tall tree in our den, and just finished decorating the deliciously aromatic tree we cut today.

Here are a couple pictures of the big - and I mean BIG - tree in our living room. It's funny how much smaller they look out at the tree farm. I must say though, these pictures do it no justice. They don't capture how twinkly and sparkly it is, but here they are anyway...

This little guy is hiding in a bare area - love it!

Okay, well maybe not...

A quick update on our seemingly endless adoption. We received an email today stating that Kaed's birth country is in complete disarray. Elections are going on, people are getting killed, communication is nearly impossible. So, while things looked up in August, things are looking less than stellar right now.

We'll just keep trudging along in hopes that someday we may be able to bring this little guy home. Until then (if ever!) i'm still trying to catch that darn ovulation, and I think we're going to proceed in getting our foster license through our state and see where that takes us.

(mostly) wordless wednesday

grown from seed heirloom belarusian heart tomatoes

a lone heirloom chiogga beet... the others were destroyed by a rogue chicken

heirloom black beauty zucchini

someone wants a tasty garden treat

Wordless Wednesday

Bullet Post!

Man oh man it's been some time since I've written on here! Lots has happened these past couple months...

• I just finished up my fourth round of Clomid (an infertility medication) for this year and again it did not work.
• All my hens are laying! It's so nice to get 4-5 eggs each day. Soon I'll be able to start giving them to friends. Yesterday I integrated the 3 baby chickens with the 6 big girls. So far so good. All feathers are still intact. haha
• I made a Star Wars birthday cake this past weekend for my favorite little 5 year old. He went bananas and started hugging and kissing me!
• Spring has FINALLY decided to arrive in western WA. I'm hoping to re-fence off the garden this weekend and plant the 18 tomato plants I've had growing in our living room window. I'm also going to be planting several old heirloom varieties of corn, squash, melon and beans.
• I have made a fantastic new friend, Amber, who lives in Kentucky. We met on a Trying To Conceive (TTC) forum and it feels like we were always meant to be friends... we have a crazy amount of stuff in common.
• We traded in our Volkswagen Jetta and Kia Sorento for a Honda Insight. It's taken some getting used to being a 1-car household, but with the distance we commute (we carpool together), we HAD to get something with good gas mileage. 43-47MPG isn't too shabby. ;)
• I want to throw a tea party!

And I'll end this post with a cute pic of our friend's dog buddy (him and his momma live with us). He says Hi!

If I were to give 2011 a theme name, I would call it "Moving On".

*I fear we will be forced to move on from our 2nd attempt at adoption. This is not definative yet, but we hope to have answers on this soon.

*We are attempting, once again, to add to our family biologically. No success yet, but we will keep trying.

*We have moved on from our former lifestyle for a healthier, more active one.

*If indeed we are at an impasse with our 2nd adoption attempt, we may consider adopting through the state.

*I'm no longer letting people get to me and try to break me down. If I can't handle you or your actions, I don't need to be around it. Save your drama for your mama! I will have none of it.

*And lastly, we are slowly but surely trying to move on from all the overwhelming sadness we have felt when it comes to our attempted adoption(s).

depression sucks

I've had a hard time putting my emotions into words. The following is the prefect description. When I read this, I felt encouraged yet sad that someone can explain and understand how I feel (the woman in the quotes). I haven't found the cure yet.

Depression associated with infertility is not the same as typical depression. Lisa Tuttle, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in fertility counseling, says that depression related to infertility is a combination of emotions: not just sadness, but jealousy, anger and grief. "Jealousy is probably the most painful, and more so because it's not really a socially acceptable emotion," says Tuttle. "There's also guilt for depriving spouses and parents of a child, loneliness and often loss of faith." Obsession is also a factor. Tuttle encounters many women who say they can't stop thinking about it, that it haunts them even while they're sleeping.

I am posting this only as a way for me to vent. I don't know if anyone will even read this, but i'm okay with it going into internet oblivion. I'm depesrate to feel better. Have a day when I don't feel a great sadness. Maybe me writing this out and journaling will help. Maybe not. We'll see.
(If you're curious, the full article can be found here.)

*changed my email address*

I have changed my email address to SarahofCI@yahoo.com

Why did I change it?

- It was waaaaay toooo loooong

- It was a constant reminder that I still have no children

- People would ask for details

- I don't want it to define me

- I'm at a point where I'm ready to move on with my life and not fixate on the childless factor

Good riddance waiting2beamommy, and hellooo SarahofCI!

oh spring, how I miss thee

My friend Apryl and I are counting down the days 'til Spring. We have tirelessly worked to convert a good portion of our backyard into a garden area. This area is now attached to the chicken run, so while there are no plants growing back there, the chickens are able to run around, scratch and the dirt, and most importantly... fertilize it.

We have just started our indoor seedlings for 2 varieties of tomatoes as well 3 varieties of onion. All of the seeds we have bought for our garden are non-GMO heirloom seeds... some date back to the 1700's! We purchased them from the Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds and I highly recommend them. From the time I ordered them to the when they arrived took a quick 3 days.

In the spirit of myself having Spring fever, I thought I'd share with you 10 reasons why you should join in the ever-increasing backyard revolution and plant a backyard garden.

1. Gardens are inflation and recession proof.

2. Planting your own seed protects you from the risks of GMO foods.

3. Growing a garden is emotionally rewarding and offers independence.

4. Fresh picked vegetables are 50% higher in vitamins, minerals, and nutrients.

5. In an emergency, grocers only have 72 hours worth of food on the shelves.

6. You will make fewer trips to the grocery store.

7. Saving seed from your garden assures nutrition year after year.

8. Gardening keeps us fit; both in mind and body.

9. Planting and sowing is an excellent family activity.

10. You control what goes in to your garden, including pesticides!